All right, recording everything for posterity except for everything that happened before now.
This is episode number 311 of the Homeowner Show. A 311. Whether you DIY or looking to hire, we're gonna help you find the best information and options for you and your home. My name is Kevin Hackett, and here with me is Craig Williams.
Hello, hello, hello, and welcome to Homeowner Show. We're so glad that you could join us for another live episode. How you doing, Kev?
I don't know what's happening right now.
I yelled 311 and it really threw you off, and I'm like kind of loving it.
Yeah, I have, I have no words.
We don't even really know what that's for.
No, we don't. What is 311? Like, like they, they were a band, was it? Yeah, 311.
Was that like a boy band?
Yeah. Well, no, no, they were alternative.
Yeah, I feel like that's the same thing.
No, no, no, alternative like Nirvana.
Yes, yes, they were. Okay, did they wear eye makeup?
I don't think Nirvana did. They absolutely did. Well, that was only when he was high, which was all the time, so they were Boy band. Yeah, therefore. Yeah, I guess.
I mean, Dave Grohl. I mean, like he. I think he still wears eye makeup.
Well, most of them probably do. Yeah. Yeah. They're hiding behind something still.
I gotta. I got another Bill Burr story.
Yep. Before we do that though, we got a guest.
Yo, you want to let everybody know who you are?
Yeah. Hi, I'm Malia Wilson, and I'm happy to be here.
Yeah. And what do you do?
I'm a family law attorney.
Yeah. We're gonna be getting a little dicey tonight. We like we. We've been talking about doing an episode like this for a while. Yeah. You know, like, look, half of you are gonna be dealing with divorce anyway, or are divorced.
Yeah. Um, and what happens to your home after that is kind of a big deal.
Um, so we're gonna be getting into some of that tonight. So that should be fun. I've got a Bill Burr story because all of you hated on me for talking about him last time, and I don't care. So I'm gonna bring it up again. Yeah, let's do it. Um, look, I mean, like I brought up the, he said Free Luigi, which Luigi's a bag of trash and should stay in jail if he's guilty, which we're pretty sure that he is because we got him on video shooting the dude in the back.
Yeah, that's pretty solid evidence. Pretty solid evidence. But whatever.
We don't need you playing defense attorney, all right?
I'm just throwing it out there.
All right. Stick in your lane.
We have trials for a reason.
Yeah, no. Yeah, no. Guilt. What is it? Innocent until proven guilty. There it is.
Definitely not guilty until proven innocent.
Well, so that's a whole nother story, man. We're going on tangents. This is gonna be fun, y'all. Yeah.
Well, I mean, I had a bourbon before we started the show.
This is one bourbon, Greg.
One. We'll get there. But we, before we do any of that, yeah, we got some sponsors.
We do have some sponsors. Which one do you want to start with?
Whichever one you want, man.
well, in that case, I'm choosing—
I think you should start from the top.
Always. You better believe that if I'm choosing my favorite in this case, I'm choosing Lowstar Appliances. Repair, because I know who owns that one, and I'm more scared of her than I am Josh.
Well, it does, it does, it doesn't hurt that she wrangles our guests for us at the live show. She does, she does.
And, uh, she is the owner of Lone Star Appliance Repair. And here's the deal, if you are, uh, a homeowner, you're probably gonna have appliances to be repaired. And I, I was actually talking to someone just the other day, and they were saying, You know, I, I can either, you know, I'm, I'm looking at going and getting, uh, a new dishwasher. And I was like, why are you looking to get a new dishwasher? And they're like, well, ours is doing this weird thing. And I was like, how do you know you need a new one? And they're like, well, I don't know. And I was like, why don't you just call Lone Star Appliance Repair? Let them check it out. It's not gonna be that expensive to check it out. And then you would know,
can I fix it or do I absolutely need a new one? Right. So, I mean, it's just one of those things where most people these days, for whatever reason, we have it set in our minds. It's a, it's just easier to buy a new appliance. And honestly, it's not easier. It is not easier to go searching for all the different brands. You think that like there's a couple of dishwashers out there for you to buy? No, there's like 7,378,000. It's very specific.
Have you seen the South Park episode on this?
Where it's like today's world and all the people that have gone to college and everything are like living on the streets and then all of the Oh, is this where like the plumbers or the handyman become like the richest millionaires?
Well, either way, they roll in with their entourage.
Well, I haven't seen it, but what I hear—
And it takes like 3 months or whatever to get them to come. That's right.
Well, that's not Lone Star Appliance Repair at all.
No, no, no. In real life, in real life, they show up pretty quickly and they're awesome.
So, you know, if you've got an appliance, that needs to be repaired. They also do maintenance. They have maintenance plans. And warranty work. Warranty work as well.
Yeah, it's a— I mean, I mean, you can call directly to Maytag or whoever it is, or just call them. They'll take care of it.
So, I mean, it's— they're kind of a one-stop shop as far as all that goes. You can call them or, my favorite, you can even just text them at 936-647-2364.
And we also have our next—
True Texas Solar and Roofing. And, uh, look, they are your one-stop shop. And let me tell you, I was concerned this past week based on prior, you know, storms that we've had that we were gonna lose power.
I mean, we didn't, and I don't know very many people that wound up losing power, but, uh, if you have 2 options, and most people don't think they have options because it's typically just hook your house up to the power grid and pay whatever you're going to pay. Um, but you don't have to do that. You can own your own energy and you can pay the same amount every single month. I mean, that's one of the things that's most challenging for me where I live, because we have a pretty big property and the fluctuation from month to month can be pretty high, especially whenever we change from like the summer month to the fall month and then back into the summer month after winter. Like it can fluctuate quite a bit. So
it'd be pretty cool if you could just make sure that your payment was the same every single month and have a whole home generator, have a battery backup system, make sure that you're, you know, taking control of your own energy. There's a lot of people out there, Craig, that they have opinions about solar, right?
Silly people don't have opinions.
Silly kniggits. If we're talking about Monty Python and the Holy Grail, silly kniggits. Niggas.
Anyway, they just don't know what they don't know.
And so I think it's worth giving them a call. If you've ever thought about solar, if you have any desire to learn about it, Josh and his team over there, they're gonna educate you. They'll let you know, is this good for your home? Is this not? What are the circumstances? Help you understand what the rebates are available. And let me tell you something. This is something that's interesting. If you've been thinking about getting solar, I would jump on it because I actually had a conversation with Josh the other day and he doesn't know, and maybe I shouldn't even be saying this.
Which I will. There's a possibility that Elon's gonna take away some of the incentives.
Because, I mean, you gotta think about it. He owns one of the most successful car, electric car companies out there. Uh, and the problem is these other way more expensive cars. I mean, there's a, there's a new EV, uh, Cadillac Escalade. Uh-huh. That's like $160,000 and they can't keep them on the lot. And the only way that they make those at all affordable is they get tax breaks. Right. For them. Well, Elon's going, well, that's dumb. I don't want people to get tax breaks whenever they just buy my superior Tesla. You know? Right. Sure. And so, you know, there's a possibility some of those may be going away. So here's the thing. My only, my only caution to you out there
is give True Texas Solar a call. See if they can help you. If they can, great. I know they would love to talk to you. Their number is 936-286-8325.
They are going to be intimately involved in my off-grid Arkansas property in the near future.
Oh, yeah. That's, that's gonna be a thing. Well, sure.
Yeah. You gotta buy a place first though, man.
We gotta find the— I need a waterfall. That's my thing.
We found, we found a few of them. Yeah. Remember that one with the cave?
Oh dude, that one was cool.
It was just, it was so big. The cave? With the whole property. The cave was huge.
Listen, we found, so this is, this has been, this has been going on. I, I've been shopping for property in Arkansas for a couple years and like my one prerequisite is I want a waterfall. That's really what I want.
Are we asking for like land property?
Yeah, 100 acres. I don't know, 50 acres. A bunch of acres. Sure.
This one that I found with a cave, um, it was on a river, but it had this cave in it. I was looking at pictures of the cave and it took me like 2 days to realize that to scale, if you look at the bottom of the picture of the cave, there's a person and the person's like Yay big, but the cave is like yay big. And I'm like, how tall is this cave?
That's a huge liability. I'm just throwing it out there.
You're gonna have to like put up some signs, you know?
I don't want people wandering into my cave.
You're gonna have to talk to an attorney about that.
No, it's my cave. I didn't give you permission to go in my cave.
I'm like, I'm using euphemisms at a bar.
Um, but anyway, okay, so back, back to my original story because I want the internet to be pissed off at me again. Um, So Bill Burr was on the Howie Mandel Show earlier, earlier this week, I think.
And all of a sudden Billy Corgan walks into the show.
And all of a sudden Bill Burr gets pissed off.
Oh, I love Billy Corgan. Speaking of alternative.
For those Smashing Pumpkins.
Did you know that they're brothers?
Are you kidding me? I'm not kidding.
I did. Look, I need people to see my face right now because I'm like, what? I hadn't— what?
They didn't know that they were brothers until a couple of years ago.
Yeah. They had this a-hole of a dad. He was one of those guys that had 2 families in 2 cities.
And they were the 2 kids.
In 2 different cities. And Billy Corgan was on the Howie Mandel Show earlier and talking about how his stepmom had said, hey, you've ever heard of this Bill Burr guy? I'm pretty sure that's your dad's son. In another city. Oh gosh, that's bizarre. And if you look at them next to each other, well, now that you say it, like they have the same freaking nose. Yeah, they're both bald. Yeah, like it's weird.
And then, but like if you go watch, that's where someone needed to contact me.
And I'm just saying the world is a vampire, Craig.
Look, and sit to drain. Like Bill Burr goes off on this thing about like He gets mad at Howie Mandel. He's like, I can't believe you did this to me. Like, you and I were never supposed to talk about this, and you and I have never actually met in person. I can't believe that you did this to me where you bring this guy in here. And, and really, and then Billy Corgan's like, Howie, you told me he was cool with this.
Oh no. Oh no. This gets weird real quick. It gets weird real quick.
Wow. Yeah. So like, they knew But they'd never actually met.
But they, and they hadn't actually talked about it.
Why would he not want to meet Billy Corgan?
Well, according to Bill Burr, it's like, why remind myself of what an a-hole my dad was?
Well, I guess there's that.
Um, and he literally says that on the show. He's like, I don't want to talk about this. My dad was a complete deadbeat. And like, he goes off on this whole thing.
And, and Billy Corgan's like, hey, that's my dad.
No, he was, he was, he was exactly the same.
He was like, he was like, listen, man, I'm so sorry, but Howie told me, like, he's been texting me all day. He told me that you were gonna be here. Told me he was, told me that you were excited to meet me, that you wanted me to come by, that you were fine with this. And Howie's just sitting there laughing. Oh. And I'm like, what a dick.
I mean, like, I mean, like, that's, that's not something you screw around with.
It may be the last time he does it.
Wow. Yeah, that is, that's, that's some crazy stuff.
And I, I have to tell you, it, it was gonna take a lot for me to feel sorry for Bill Burr. Oh, and I still don't.
No. Um, but it wasn't enough. That is not a fun blindside.
That was not. No, no. And I was like, look, I don't, I don't feel bad for Bill Burr, but I also wouldn't feel bad if like he throat punched him.
Billy Corgan can still sing. I saw him in concert just a few years ago and I was like, you sound the same.
Here's, here's the weird thing, right? That dude, as much of a dick as he was in that, the dad.
Like birthed 2 really talented people.
He's got something going on.
Well, and, and, and 2 very confident people to be able to go out and be, you know, celebrities, so to speak.
I mean, but like, took a lot of work in, in very different arenas.
Like, one's comedy, one's music, and like, it's just both performers though. Yeah, that's true.
Takes a lot of confidence.
Well, I imagine he was quite the performer himself.
Apparently he was. Well, he was more of an actor though. Yeah, I guess still performing.
Sure. Yeah, that depends.
Well, he did it at least twice.
Exactly right. How many other brothers out there are there?
You probably don't want to know.
I don't, but His dad definitely doesn't want to know.
Oh yeah, it sounds like he's not around anymore, at least from what—
I don't know, but like, I feel bad because they spoke—
well, they spoke about him in the past tense.
Okay, so well, they both put him out of their mind.
It could be that they just don't want to think about him anymore, or that he's, you know, dead, fertilizing somewhere. Dead. It's possible.
So anyway, we're here to talk about the fun subjects. Speaking of, speaking of screwed up families. Yes.
No, it's actually a really good, you know, segue here.
Yeah, it's like I planned it. Yeah, something like that.
Something like that. All right.
Yeah, no, I mean, like, here's the thing. One, I know that the popular statistic is to say like half of all marriages end in divorce. I know that that's not true because we have a lot of repeat offenders.
I mean, like, statistically, we can't reapply those stats. It's closer to like 30% or something like that in that neighborhood.
I'm not gonna do statistics. Sure.
Well, besides 85% of all statistics, I can't even say it. Statistics are made up on the spot anyway.
100%, yeah. But like, this is stuff I've looked into before because like, there's, it has been around for years that like half of all marriages end in divorce, right? I mean, like, that's been the thing. And I'm not trying to diminish it at all. 30 to 40% is still stupid high.
It's really, really high. And so like the likelihood that it's going to affect you or someone that you know is very high.
Um, and so I kind of want to walk people through this because one of the things that happens when you get married is you tend to buy a house.
And you should wait till you're married.
You should wait till you're married. Thank you.
Okay, well, let's, let's start with that. Why, why wait until you're married to buy a piece of property together with somebody?
Well, so, I mean, it depends on what state you're in. States have different family laws. Um, some are community property, which is Texas. Others are, um, what's fair and equitable, right? So there's, depending on what state you're on, you're in changes my answer, right?
Right. Um, are there, are there any states near Texas that aren't community property states?
How do they, how do they handle it?
Um, it's fair and equitable.
Fair and equitable. Is that really the 2 options that you, you kind of end up with?
Well, there's one other, but I can't think of what it is.
And then I know Louisiana is just weird.
That's fair. They understand that.
Yeah. Yeah, they're, they're okay with it.
And they call things parishes. I mean, that's true, whatever that means.
No, but in Texas, because it's community property, if you purchase a property, really anything during a marriage, it's presumed to be owned by both spouses equally, which means that if you're going to sell it, um, or you're going to get divorced, then you can split whatever equity is in the home. Whereas if you buy it prior to marriage, a lot of people will be in a relationship, so they buy a house prior to getting married. Um, and that house becomes the property, the separate property of whomever's name is on the title.
Um, and so even if you put half the down payment in, or you could have paid all of the down payment, but for some reason you decide not to put your name on the title, um, that house isn't your separate property. It's the person— it's whosever name is on the title. Now obviously the law, there's always you know, sure, loopholes to, to most things, but in general, that is the basic principle.
Wow. That'd be, that, that's a, that's something to think about. I mean, it, there's, there's a lot of things that go into buying property anyway. Right. What, you know, whatever it looks like. Um, but what I, I mean, just wait.
Right. I mean, well, but like, this is, So what I want to ask about is like prenups, because a lot of times you— sometimes you meet somebody that already owns a home.
Well, and so again, it depends on what state you're in. Um, in Texas— well, in, in several states you can do prenups. Um, and a prenup is great in places like Oklahoma where, um, it's not community, right?
Um, which means that if it was bought prior to marriage or owned prior to marriage, right, it's your separate property. Now you have the burden of proving that. The person's saying saying it's my, my separate property. Um, but in Texas, that's where you really have to talk to an attorney about what all of your assets are and what your goal is and what you're wanting to protect.
Because if it's a house that you own separately, that remains your separate property. If you purchased it prior to the marriage, it doesn't change because you become married, right? Um, but if you're purchasing a house with someone else, right, and you want that house to be owned by both of you together, that's something separate.
And that's where there are lots of different ways to go about it. And in Texas, you can actually do it after you're married as well. Um, you can say, okay, well, basically you're gifting a 50% interest in the property to the other person. So there are different ways to go about it at different times.
But, um, let's hope you're getting along because, you know, if not, well, and the problem is, but most people aren't thinking about that when they're getting married.
They're like, hey, let's take a minute and just decide what's yours is yours and what's mine is mine and what's ours is ours. And let's go ahead and draw up a document to go ahead and talk about all the things because everybody's like, whatever, we're going to be married forever. Right. We love each other. It's going to be great.
Because, because 100% of marriages don't end in divorce.
Hang on, I'm doing the math.
I am too. I'm like, wait a minute.
Yes. I'm being— I, I'm just kidding.
Yes, I'm not funny. Okay.
No, no, you're funny. I just— the problem is I'm sitting there going, 100%, 100%, it's impossible.
I'm happy you figured it out too.
But I think that's one of those things though. This happens in business a lot too. People wind up saying, hey, let's just partner together. And they think we're going to be happy forever in this partnership.
I think those are uglier than marriages.
I think you're probably right. I think you're probably right.
Let's do business and marriage. And then that's like a real fun—
We can just go down that rabbit hole. Just keep digging.
Yeah. I just think that, you know, you have the— my point is you have the best of intentions to begin with, but you don't sit there and figure out, okay, what is the exit strategy? And the problem is, like, I think that's, I don't know. Craig and I have pretty strong opinions on this, but like, it's like, if you have to have an exit strategy, we should probably not get married to begin with.
When my husband originally asked me for a prenup and I told him I would sign a prenup if I could write it. And then he was like, yeah, no, I'm good.
I was like, that's smart, boo-boo.
Yeah. But I mean, I realize it's easy for me to say that, but at the same time, Like, you don't know. You don't know. That's the thing. You don't know.
Here's the thing. And I just— relationships in general, like, this is something I've had the opportunity to speak into on many occasions just because of my pastoral background. But like, one of the things I've noticed that I think a lot of people— why is that coming through?
I'm gonna turn that off here.
Anyway, one of the things I find that a lot of people make the mistake on is they get married too soon.
Because they're in love. And I get it.
Yeah, I get it. And so one of the things I encourage a lot of people before they get married to do, and I think this is just good advice in general, is to like go through a Christmas with somebody. Go through a holiday, a couple of holidays with somebody. Because there's nothing that will bring out the weird in the person that you're trying to marry than like a major holiday.
Oh, for sure. You know what I mean?
Yeah. Or like a drunken Fourth of July. Right.
Yeah. You know, like, but like, figure, like, you know, and like Kevin's talked about this many times, like his, like he married into a situation where he never gets to spend Thanksgiving with his family.
I, I don't either. I spend it with my husband's, but—
Right. And that's the way, that's the way his—
But he went into that relationship knowing that that was the way it was because his wife was very upfront with him. It was like, look, every, every Thanksgiving we're with our family and we're at Like, yeah, well, she's, well, she said I'm going to be there.
Well, no, I did, but, but that's, but it's something we talked about up front.
Yeah. And, but like, if you, if you had gone into that relationship and all of a sudden she sprung that on you, like, because you guys fell in love in December, right. And then got married in March.
Like you would have never known.
Well, I feel like a lot of times people don't have those hard conversations because it's awkward.
Which, I mean, that's really ultimately what I'm saying is like, yeah.
I mean, about everything, right? You've got people that don't talk about finances, don't talk about what are your goals in life, right? Do you want to stay here? Do you want to move? Do you want to travel? I can't tell you how many people come into my house— or my house, just kidding.
That's a different podcast.
Ouch. I'm not on whichever number you're on yet. No, but so many people come into my office after they've moved here with a spouse and they're like, I gave up my career so that I could come here with my spouse who's doing XYZ. And what do I do now? Now they're stuck in Texas with the kids and they can't move outside of Texas without an agreement, but their family's back in California or Tennessee, wherever.
And it's just, these are things that you've gotta talk about. You've gotta talk about what are our long-term goals? And I feel like it has to happen not just before the marriage, but throughout. Because it doesn't.
That's what I was gonna say. Things change.
Yeah, I mean, you could go down going, look, this is what I wanna do all my life. And then something changes and you wind up in a new career. Now my goals are differently ambitious. Or not at all. Or not at all. Well, that's the other way it could go, right? It's like all of a sudden, I mean, a lot of people don't know how they're going to handle stress and anxiety whenever it enters their life. And so let's say you lose a job for the first time in your life and you wind up wanting to sit on the couch all day because you're depressed, right? And your spouse is going, I didn't know I was going to have to take care of a
child over here. And all of a sudden it's like, You wind up with these situations, and I'm just using that as an example. There are numerous situations that you can find yourself in, and all of a sudden, it's like, that's not what I agreed to.
And I want out of this marriage.
Well, and I think too that today marriage is very much romanticized, and so everyone just thinks marriage is like some fairy tale, and you get married, you have this big, fancy, expensive wedding, and you run off into the sunset and it's like, just kidding. That's when the work really starts. Because you're having to combine everything, especially in Texas. Again, because all of your hard work, if your spouse is depressed or having whatever issues, right? And is laying on the couch and now you're the sole breadwinner, it doesn't matter.
Right? You're saving all the money and your spouse is going out buying hunting equipment or purses or whatever it is, well, there goes your savings, right? You can't do anything about it. So you have to continue to have those conversations.
This is a constant conversation I have with my kids, specifically for the reasons that you're talking about, because marriage is hard. And good and great marriages are really difficult. And it's not to say that they're not worth it, but they're just hard. And I tell my kids, anything worth having is hard. Yeah.
It's work. But to your point, so many people go into it thinking, because I love them, it's going to be easy.
It's not. And in my opinion, love is not— and this is probably going to sound bad, right? This is definitely coming from a divorce attorney, right? But I don't think marriage is about love. I mean, at its core, it's contractual. I mean, historically speaking. Now there is the religious aspect of it, right?
There is, you want to care about the person that you're marrying.
But that person has to be someone that you can get along with as a roommate, as a partner, as, you know, talking about businesses, right? You're entering a business with your spouse. And so you have to think about it that way too. Not just, Oh, you're so pretty, or you're so handsome.
Well, that's the problem is that most people don't realize that love is an emotion.
And emotions come and go. I mean, I can be really happy and excited about my day. Maybe I'm going to Disney World that day. I don't know. And I round the corner around my bed and I stub my little toe on the bedpost. All of a sudden my mood changes pretty quickly. Now I'm having the worst day all of a sudden. And it happens like that.
Right. And when love is an emotion, um, you know, you, you have to understand there's actions involved. And so when those actions wind up becoming involved, that's when things get messy.
And so, you know, it— there, there's a lot, there's a lot that happens. And when it does, when it goes sideways, um, I mean, there's all kinds of things you can do, right? But a lot of times they end up in your office, right?
Yeah. I mean, Sometimes they end up in my office and it ends up triggering whoever is slacking in the relationship to get their stuff together. I mean, I've had plenty of people that have gone pretty much all the way through a divorce. They've settled their case and we're working on a final decree for them. And I get a call or an email that, hey, we're getting back together. It's okay, well, here's what could happen because of that. Yeah, here's my bill. Please make sure to pay it.
Right. But like, it happens. But that bill is probably worth paying if they don't actually end up having to go through that, you know what I mean?
I mean, I think it's worth paying no matter what.
I think that's fair. But you know what I mean? Like, if that relationship can be salvaged, if like, if somehow them going through the process and you, in a sense, almost scaring them straight. And I realize that there's some people that just need to get divorced.
I'm not like pie in the sky. Like, there's some people that just need to get divorced.
But if there's people that can reconcile their differences, and part of that is them going through a process, and you making them realize how horrible this is actually going to be.
Well, and I think they realize that how much of their life is changing, right? Divorce isn't easy. It is a complete game changer, right? Your, your lifestyle, for the most, for the most part, not with everyone, right? But for the most part, people's lifestyles are changing there. If you've got kids, right, you're Your schedule's changing. Everything is changing.
And people aren't used to that. And it can be very scary. And once you realize that, sometimes you realize that's not what you want. Right?
Uh, well, I got, I got a question that just popped up. Our friend Patrick, uh, you know, the mortgage guy. Uh-huh. Uh, he, he had a question. I think it's a great question. Um, what are the top 3 reasons for divorce?
I get asked this one, um, regularly. I think the number one reason people get divorced is lack of respect. And that I can break down into several different subcategories.
Um, and that's where I would say those 3 would come from. But lack of respect, I think, pretty much sums up every divorce. Um, there are people to just stop being in love, right? And so they're like, we're great friends, but we're just, we're not meant to be together.
That happens, but they're usually not talking to me or they're just having me draft an order for them. The lack of respect, if there's cheating involved or adultery, right? I consider that lack of respect.
There's a lot of people that are financially controlling. And so I think that's a lack of respect.
Because it's manipulative.
Yeah. Well, I'm working all day. And for instance, you've got a stay-at-home parent and you've got a person that's working out of the home. The stay-at-home parent, which I could never be. God didn't make me that way. They're working all day taking care of the kids, cleaning the house, feeding, you know, the kids, cooking dinner, whatever. Um, so they're working, it's just a different aspect, right?
There's plenty of people that have a cleaning service, they have maids, they have, um, people that do food prep for them, or they use a company for food prep. All these different things people are paying for that that spouse is doing. Daycare, right? That spouse is doing it. They're transporting the kids to all their activities. Um, but the spouse that's working is saying, no, you don't do anything. You don't deserve any of that. You know, you can be on an allowance or you can have this because I'm giving it to you. And so it's very much they have to ask for it or, you know, it's on the conditions of another person.
So to me, financial control, um, I think would be another, another big one. But they all kind of fall under lack of respect or just being rude. I mean, you can't— so many people just talk horribly to each other. And that's a huge one because they won't talk. They don't say, here's what's going on, or someone won't listen.
Is it like when you say that they talk horribly to each other, is it that they don't communicate and then when they do, it kind of boils over into a disrespectful tone? You know what I mean?
Yeah. So I don't know that I can answer that accurately because I'm They're not typically together when you're— I'm just seeing the bad stuff. They're not coming to me when things are good. But I do go through a lot of text messages over a lot of years. And I think in general—
Okay, so that right there that you just said, I think that's something that a lot of people don't even think about.
Yeah. Don't think about it. Don't think about it. I want your texts.
Yeah. Don't delete all your texts because it's good evidence.
Yes, I love it. Thank you.
But like, but like, I, I, this is the same thing with people who like put stupid things on social media and then wonder why they don't get the job.
You know what I mean? Like, you, you think that your potential employer is not going to be like going through everything that you've ever posted on social media?
And it's just like going through a divorce and you have pictures of, you know, dancing on a table drunk or whatever it may be.
That a good attorney is not going to use that, right?
I mean, I would use that.
Absolutely. Because you're advocating for your client.
I mean, you want to get everything you can for them. I mean, look, you shouldn't have done that.
No, you're presenting the facts.
That's it. Yeah. Acquiring and presenting.
Sure. Well, and I think I could tell you guys some stories I can't. Well, I think that's one of the things that when it comes to the ugliness of all of this is it is a story.
And it's a story that, guess what? You have painted.
And whether or not you're the one that's advocating for the divorce to happen or whether you're you know, both in it or whatever, it doesn't really matter. The story has been painted by 2 people. And so it's a— it's— I just— then it winds up all coming out.
And, you know, because it does get ugly and it's like, well, let's tell everybody the story.
Going to trial, people don't realize how emotionally— it's not just financially tolling. It is very emotionally tolling because you're going to be grilled. You're going to be— any bad thing that someone could come up with or say about you, whether it's true or not, doesn't really matter. It's still going to be said or could be said. And so it's hard. You've got to have a good reason to want to go through to trial.
And then it's kids too, right?
I was going to ask how many of them actually go to trial?
So a lot of the cases that I handle don't. I feel like the higher the net worth, more of those do. Okay. I also— it depends on the facts, right? I feel like at this point, I'm still young enough that a lot of the people that don't want to come to me, they're going to other attorneys, which I am fine with because I just go and watch them.
Right. It's great. There are some phenomenal attorneys out there, and some of the cases they handle are wild. And I think more kid issue cases go to trial than anything else.
I was going to ask if it's more like to do with children.
Yeah. I would say from my experience, more kid issue cases than anything else go to trial. And some of them, you're just like, why are we— you have no money. Why are we going to trial over this? You've got to parent with this person for the rest of your child's life.
Yeah. And I don't think also that many parents fully understand what their kids are about to say.
Oh, well, I mean, it doesn't necessarily matter.
It doesn't. And because— and I think it's just interesting because it's like, you know, I recently was talking to someone and the question was, does your dad drink? And the kid was like, well, yeah.
Yeah, my 4-year-old is like selling me beers for her, you know? Right, it's like, do you want a Coke or a beer?
Right, it's like, okay, so the next question doesn't matter, which was like, don't teach my kid like that. How many, or what does that look like, or what? Because it doesn't matter. They just said daddy drinks, which is horrible.
Judges are people too, right? They drink as well, right? And that's something that everyone has to remember, is that judges are people. Now, they know the law, and, um, hopefully they know the law. I know in Montgomery County, our judges are phenomenal. They're actually— all of the family law judges are board certified, which is super rare. Yeah.
Um, and I, I, I hate to, to say this, but I feel like it needs clarification. So if you go to trial for a divorce, you don't get a jury.
But most of the time a judge is deciding.
Yes. Mainly because it's cheaper. And depending on where you are, I mean, I've got a case right now where I've actually sat on a jury for a family case.
Yeah. How'd you like that? Well, I got out of it really quick. Well, no, because it was kind of a funny situation. One of my clients was one of the attorneys. It was a custody case. The state was trying to take parental rights away from a set of parents. And so each parent had their own attorney.
And then there was the state. And then one of my clients was somebody representing the kids on behalf of the state. And so I had to go to the judge and be like, That's my client.
You know, you don't want me on this.
She pays me money. I'm probably gonna side with her.
You know, but no, I just had to be honest and like, look, I, I, I know her. She's a friend. She's a client. And the judge was like, that's fine.
Yeah. Well, and it's, it's sometimes it's up to the judge, you know, and, and a lot of times with stuff like that, uh, but like, I just wanted, I just wanted attorneys will talk about it too. Like, oh yeah. Okay. Well, you know, we're okay with this. Or, sure, yeah, that's, you know, they know this person through this, but right. Okay.
But I just wanted people to understand, like, at least in Texas, sometimes it's—
Yeah. And in Texas, actually, well, in at least Montgomery, Harris County, and several of the surrounding counties, um, mediation is required before most trials and for family law.
Um, and for people that don't know what that is, so family law is going to be— I mean, mediation.
Sorry, sorry. I was like, I can I can list this. Um, mediation is basically where you have a neutral third party that is playing, you know, gatekeeper and going back and forth. It's not typically where you're sitting across from people like we're doing, right? Um, you know, because you don't typically like each other if you're in that situation. Um, and so the mediator goes back and forth between the parties to try and help them get a resolution. And because we have that, it helps clear up our system. In Oklahoma, my brother is a family law attorney in Oklahoma, and that's not required. And so a lot of his cases go to trial because of that. Um, so people actually can end
up saving a lot of money by mediating, and it's a requirement. So it's not like you have to agree. Whereas in Oklahoma, my brother will be like, I we could just mediate. We could get this settled, but right, they won't agree.
That's it. I didn't know it was required in Texas.
It's not by statute. So it's, um, by county.
So is it like Montgomery County, it's required?
It's required in Montgomery County before a final trial and before a temporary orders hearing.
Okay. What about Harris County?
Harris County, it depends on the court you're in, but most, most of the courts, it's required before a final trial and it's required before a temporary orders hearing if you have have complex financial issues or kid issues.
So it's like, so in Texas it's county by county?
Interesting. Okay. But, but where we're, where we're sitting right now, it's required?
So is there— is— and you think it's great?
I do. I think it's great because it gives people the opportunity to come up with creative solutions for their own problems that fit them personally. Yeah. And You know, one of our topics today, homes and selling homes and that type of thing. In mediation, you can get really creative with solutions for splitting assets and whether you're going to sell property or not to help deal with the equity in a house.
So it's a really, really good alternative to court.
Is the house, in your experience, like one of the most contested items in a divorce other than children?
So it depends on what the assets are. Typically, it is one of the larger assets that people have. Whether people have a lot of equity in it is a different story. You could have an $800,000 house that you owe $750,000 on, and it's like, okay, well, That's $50 grand. Like, we're gonna pay that in closing costs, right?
Um, so it really depends on the, on the estate. I think that homes are more commonly fought over because of the emotional aspect of them. Um, you know, this is where my family is, this is where my kids grew up, that type of thing, versus I want to stay in the house because it's worth something.
So yeah, it's not, it's not just because of the value.
It's because of the emotion.
Yeah. And that's, that's what it boils down to most of the time. You know, um, when I meet with people, um, you know, I ask them, do you want to stay in the house? Because if so, what are you willing to give up to stay in the house?
Um, you know, and can you afford it?
Because again, lifestyles are changing. And sometimes, especially with the interest rates being as high as they are right now, right? It's like, like, yeah, I don't want to move. I don't want to sell the house because my interest rate's going to be so high.
And right, you mean if they have to go buy something else or—
And if you're gonna buy something else, you want to get into it right away. You know, you don't want to be renting and losing money.
No, for sure. So let's talk about kids for a minute because I think this is a massive part of so many divorces.
I think that there is a somewhat common understanding that when you have kids, that they're just going to go with the mom. That at least in Texas, it's always been like, oh, in Texas, the judge highly favors. And this is not true.
Why wouldn't you favor us?
Well, I'm just asking the question.
I mean, I think I'm pretty great. Come back.
I'm just kidding. No, but it's a— and I know that this is the case in a lot of other states as well, that this is at least commonly understood. Now, whether that's true or not, I would really like to hear what that looks like because there's— I'm sure there's nuance to everything. Oh yeah.
And just like you said and I said earlier, right, depending on what state you're in matters, depending on what county you're in matters. Um, personally, I think that in the areas I practice in, I don't see that, right? A lot of the times the judges are looking at the facts of the case. Which parents— which parent is parenting the most? Which one is going to be the best influence on the child? We, we always say that there's, um— well, I shouldn't say always, right? Um, but there's typically a Disneyland parent, the parent is fun to have around, that doesn't like to get on to the kids, or buys them gifts, or takes them to do fun things and doesn't make them do their homework, right? That's the Disneyland parent.
Just because you're the fun parent and your kids are thrilled that they get to see you and they're mad that they have to go to mom or dad's house doesn't mean that other person is gonna lose custody, right? It doesn't mean that Disneyland parent is gonna be primary. With that being said, I mean, I always tell people that if I were to get a divorce, my husband would probably get our kid. He's a great dad. We both work long, long hours, but every night, I mean, I would say more often than me, he's there tucking our daughter in, reading to her each night. Whereas, I mean, that's what we're looking at. especially if both parents are working, right?
Who is taking the child to the doctor the most? Who's tucking them in at night? Who's feeding them dinner? Who's making their lunches? Who's helping them with homework? Um, it's a, it's a large number of factors.
And it's not just that, right? If, if one parent is gonna be financially irresponsible, are they gonna be able to provide food for the child? You know, even if you're getting support, if, if you're just blowing money left and right, it may not matter, right?
Yeah. Is there ever a situation where you have a client and they come to you and say, I want custody of the kids, and you know, like always they're— yeah, of course. And they're— and you know, you're like, oh yeah, those kids don't need to be with it, with my client. Yeah. What is it? What do you do in those situations? Like, what is your— how do you, how do you deal with that?
My job is to represent my client.
So whether or not that means— I mean, we all have our own moral compass, right? So there are certain things that when someone comes in, typically, you know, or you have a good idea, this person's this type of person, right? I don't know how to say that in a nice way.
You're a good person or you're not, right? Um, now you don't always know that out, out of the gate, but typically you do. And I mean, I've had clients that have come in and I've told them, look, I can help you with your property, but I can't help you with the kid issues. Um, you know, if you're gonna fight on those, then I, I can't help you with that. Um, because I, I don't agree with it, right?
But if they hire me, typically those people go into it knowing that's—
I mean, You're gonna be— you're gonna be upfront with them.
Yeah, I, I don't like to blow sunshine because you're going through family law. No one likes me anyways, right?
I'd like you to just not hate me as much, um, at the end. And, um, so yeah, there are times though that you're halfway through a case and you realize, oh, this person might be crazy. Um, in which case, I do have a duty as an officer of the court to make sure that that the child's protected, but I also have a duty to my client to try and help them get what they're asking for.
Yeah, I mean, there's a big difference in, I don't think these people are great parents, and these people are harmful to their kids.
That is a huge difference.
And when that happens, there's an ethics hotline that you call.
And it's like, I need to talk to someone.
Yeah, so for the bar, the Texas Bar Association, We have an ethics hotline that we can call if we're, if we've got questions about like, hey, should I be doing this or is this okay to do?
Um, are they actually helpful?
Is that like an independent agency or is it like, is it like a nonprofit? Is it a state-funded thing?
Like, I think it's just through the state, the state bar, the Texas. Yeah. State bar.
I could be lying. No, I'm pretty sure.
I actually think that's kind of cool. I mean, like, oh yeah. I mean, Because I imagine that comes up quite a bit.
Well, it does. And another thing, so every year in August we have—
Well, I mean, I guess, yeah.
Oh, I mean, you don't have to like cite your case or anything.
You don't have to be like, hi.
No, I'm like, I call, so they've got my number.
But I'm just imagining it's like, so I know this guy named John.
He's got a dad in another state.
Right. And then there's another kid, you know.
He likes to smash pumpkins, if you know what I'm saying.
They're all about Halloween.
Yeah, he's for the alternative.
Right, right. But I'm not gonna name names.
But back to the story. Yeah, no, they're— the, the bar has a lot of of helpful tools for attorneys. And lately, the last few years, we have this week-long convention where basically we're just studying and learning, you know, updates to the law or case law that's come out.
Well, as you guys know, since I brought my books tonight, um, I nerd out at it. Like, I love it.
What are the books you brought, by the way? Like, what are we rocking tonight?
We had a real study session going on before the show started.
I'm a nerd. I'm a nerd, right? I've got my Texas Family Law Handbook with me and then my practice guide, volume 2.
We got to go to volume 2, obviously.
Well, it's the one I've read.
Well, it's just like, yeah, really?
It doesn't cover what I need it to.
That's true. I understand that.
It doesn't have words like skibidi.
Again, we're back to Monty Python. We're back to Monty Python.
He's like, he's like, thou shalt count to 3. Thou shalt not count to 2 unless proceeding then to 3.
Yeah, 5 is right out. Thou shalt not count to 2, nor shalt thou count to 4. 5 is right out.
I prefer the fight me, stay and fight, you coward.
Come back, you pansy, I'll bite your legs off.
This is really derailed. I'm sorry. That's fine.
Yeah, so you say that, but like in my line of work, I feel like there's nothing that's really surprising. And when someone comes in with something surprising, I'm like, ooh, this is an interesting day. Like, that took a turn.
I've said that before, like, with, with what I do, like, I— there's very little that surprises me anymore. I mean, it's not necessarily even that I've seen everything, it's just You know what? That sounds plausible.
Yeah, I've seen too much. Yeah, too many people.
Yeah. So here's the one I want to know, because I was, I was thinking about like, what if I had like the giant wooden rabbit from Monty Python? Like, would I try and keep that in a divorce? Like, what's, what's the weirdest?
Oh yeah, you would fight to the death over that. I would fight to the death for that.
I mean, I would. Perhaps if we build a large wooden badger. So what do we do now? I want to know, what's the weirdest thing you've, you've seen a couple fight over?
Oh Lord, I don't know about the weirdest thing, but I mean, most people fighting over board games.
Yeah, what do you mean fighting over board games?
Like who gets which board games.
Yeah, I was like, that's in the weeds. I, I know. I was like, okay, was it like, was it No, no, no. Um, literally, you could go buy like every board game out there, right? Um, for what you're paying me an hour and what your spouse is paying their attorney an hour.
Like, what was special about the board game?
You know, it all boils down to sentiment.
Like, that was it. It was like they, like, they just had it for a long time.
Yeah. And the other person knew they cared about the board games. And so that's what—
that's where it's bad. It's like, I know that if I ask for that, it's gonna piss you off.
See, but again, I said this before we started. This is why I'm still married, because I can take out my, you know, anger and aggression through, through my line of work. Oh, because like when people are spiteful, you can be like, oh, well, I can be spiteful back.
Yeah, that's not hard, right?
For me, I just remember what it's like to date these days. I see people dating on these apps and I'm like, what?
No, I would, I would be a spinster with like some cats. I hate cats. I wouldn't be with cats.
Here's the thing that I think a lot of people—
But it'd be better than divorce.
Yeah, that's fair. Dude, I heard some weird stuff about cats today.
Oh, are we, are we going down another rabbit hole?
Yes. Okay, so cat hole, like, is Bill Burr involved? No, not at all. This was actually, I, I think it was like a Jordan Peterson podcast I was listening to today, and he was talking about how cats cats, if you can like remove most of their brain, and like they've done these experiments.
I forget which section of the brain it is that you leave, but if you leave this section of the brain, the cat will actually become more curious and still function. Like they'll eat, they'll still be promiscuous, they'll still—
Because cats are Yeah, that's true. Um, and they'll function pretty much like a cat, like 90% of the time.
So they're just not like jerks anymore?
No, I mean, but they'll just do most of like what you recognize as normal cat behavior.
Yeah, but cats are really weird and they just do stuff like— you're like, you've got issues, you know? And it's not missing half its brain.
This is true. This is things that they've— there's a, there's a really great book, um, called The Power of Habit that I read one time and it was talking about, um, have you Have you read this one?
I mean, I've got it on a bookshelf.
You got it? Okay. It's it's a it's a fantastic one.
After I finish the handbook.
Volume two. We got like a quarter of the way through it just tonight. I mean, like come on.
Anyway, in the power of habit, one of the things, and this is an investigative journalist that I forget the name of the author of the book. But anyway, one of the things that he talks about in the book is people with. dementia and Alzheimer's, um, that when they move, you know, because moving for people with dementia and Alzheimer's can be very difficult.
But if you will get them into a routine, even though they can't learn new things, there's a part of their brain that will go into routine mode.
Well, and they can, they can go on a walk by themselves if they've been going on the same walk every day for like the last month. There's something about the brain that will pick up habits.
Well, I think it's because— and I'm not that kind of doctor, right?
But I think it's a different part of the brain. I mean, and from what I know about Alzheimer's— what I know, what I've heard about Alzheimer's is—
So take it for every single thing I say. It's 100% correct.
Yes. Just like statistics.
All the time. No, but it's like you're going backwards in time. So people remember the things from when they're a child for the longest. And it's like your brain is slowly eating away at the newest memories. But I'm pretty sure it's 2 different parts of your brain, the habit versus— because you hear people say, oh, well, that's like second instinct. Yeah, whatever it is. I'm sure that's not how it's said.
What is it? Second nature.
Second nature. Yeah. Yeah.
I'm here for some reason.
Finally found one of us that is good with their words.
For second nature. That's why Craig is here.
I'm out. You did your job.
That's right. So, I mean, there's, I feel like there's still dozens and dozens of questions, but But, um, one question I've got is from the moment someone says, hey, I'm ready to file for divorce, what kind of timeline do most people look at?
It depends on what county you're in.
Okay. Well, we're in Montgomery County. So what kind of timeline should I expect?
So typically in Montgomery County, they like to have the cases done within a year.
Um, that seems like forever.
I kind of want to— I just threw up in my mouth a little. Yeah.
Just wait till you get divorced.
Then there'll probably be a lot more. It's fine.
It'll become second nature.
It just depends on if you're fighting and how much you're fighting, right? If you've got next to nothing property-wise, but you've got kids, you could fight for the whole year. If you've got a ton of property and serious kid issues, you know, maybe there's, there's some sort of, um, abuse, or there's, uh, alcohol abuse, there's substance abuse of some sort, um, drugs, you might have to do what's called a stair step. So you're starting to ease back into possession and access of a child, um, and in that case, you're wanting to drag it out longer, right? Um, to see if that person actually gets the help that they need. Because in Texas, we want kids to be with parents, right? In general,
kids are better off with both parents. Not always, but in general, right?
And so having that as our, you know, just the most fundamental portion of, I think, the law for families, I don't know where I was going with that.
No, I, I, I think that's it. That's kind of what I expected you to say. But the year marker, like, yeah, that's gross.
It could be, it could be longer than a year. I mean, it could be 2 years.
It just, it, it should be within a year. And, um, but Harris County is huge, right? And so, and it also depends on the facts of the case. If you have extreme circumstances that cause— that require more time, you may get it.
I mean, for me, it grosses me out because once I make a decision to do something, I'm moving forward. And so to tell me that I have to wait 12 months—
Well, you don't have to wait. I mean, in Texas, you have to wait 60 days from the date a petition is filed until you can be granted a divorce. Whereas in other states, New York, I think you have to wait a couple of years. Like, there's a separation period, and Texas doesn't have that. We don't have separations. We have peace out. Right.
Okay. Is that where you have to declare a legal separation before you can file the divorce? Is that—
I don't practice in New York.
But I know that their, their, uh, divorces take a long time. I'm not sure of the process.
I have more kid questions. Okay.
Um, well, I, I have, I have things to say about kids, so fire away.
Okay. So the, the next question is, um, I've heard of this happening, and so I— this seems a little odd to me, so I'm curious.
Where did you hear about it?
Yeah, right. So my, my, my question is, number one, is this actual? Okay. And then number two, why, if it is? And so let's say you've been divorced.
And now there's a custody change. Someone files for a custody change.
So we call it a modification.
Okay. Modification. Um, my understanding is that let's say that my wife and I have been divorced and she has primary custody of the kids, or maybe we have shared custody of the kids, uh, equal shared custody of the kids, and I decide I want full custody of the kids.
So let me ask you what— how you define custody. Is that time with your kids or is that rights to your kids? Um, so rights would be like making decisions for education or invasive, um, non-emergency medical.
I was gonna say the medical decisions is the big one, right?
Yeah, but if you think about it, non-emergency invasive medical, dental, that limits it quite a bit.
Um, I mean, there's not a whole lot. Um, since COVID one of the big things has been vaccines because you're actually piercing the skin, right? Um, right. And so it could be considered an invasive medical procedure.
Um, so it depends on what you're talking about— possession and access.
Well, we've had way more dramatic cases than that pop up, not necessarily in Texas, but like where like one parent is like trying to like surgically alter the gender of a child and the other parent is like not wanting to.
Yeah, you know, and, and I mean, it all boils down to the rights and duties. So a lot of people say custody.
Yeah. Um, and there's nuance to that.
do you want to make those decisions, or how much time are we spending with the children?
Let me, let me just throw a scenario out there that I think is maybe reasonable. Okay. Um, parents that, you know, they'd look, they go, look, best thing for our kids, we're gonna split equal time.
Uh, whether you agree with that being good for your kids or not, that's all another thing. But let's say that that's what your agreement— and we're also going to split the decision on, on anything. Everything's split 50/50.
But all of a sudden, what I want to do is I want my kids to live with me full-time. We can still split 50/50 Decision making. Decisions, but I want my kids to live with me full time.
So more of the time, but still seeing mom.
My understanding is that the person that files for that modification gets the kids until the modification is—
Then what? Then why does that happen sometimes?
Well, because they hired me. No, I'm just kidding. No, it, it's— it all boils down to, in that case, you would have, um, likely a temporary orders hearing, and that is going to decide what happens during the pendency of the case.
Um, if a modification is being filed because there's some sort of an emergency, like the kids are in danger, right, then yeah, the person that filed to modify, okay, could have possession of the children until— or child until the case ends.
And that could probably be pretty wide scope on what danger means. Or is it pretty— In Texas?
I mean, Texas, we don't like to take kids away from their parents.
Without solid proof, right? And even then, that's where we— that stair-step that I mentioned earlier can come in. But—
I would imagine other agencies become involved in that conversation, like CPS and—
They could. Yeah, it depends, right? But they could. Um, but typically for a modification, it's just whoever wins on temporary orders, right?
Is— that's what's gonna happen. And to modify a prior order, there are certain things you have to have. There has to be a substantial change, a material and substantial change in circumstances. Um, and I feel like the, the bar for that is, is pretty low. But to actually change primary or change the person who designates the primary residence of the child, it takes a lot more. You've got to show that there is basically that there's a serious reason why this child needs to connect.
Neglect, or maybe it's, you know, abuse.
Not just that the kid wants to move from dad's house to mom's house.
I like dad all of a sudden. He's the Disneyland guy now.
Yeah, he's taken me to, you know, wherever on vacation, and we're having a lot of fun. Yeah, no, it's, it's— everything boils down to facts and how those facts are portrayed, right? It's something I learned in law school is the law isn't fair, and it's all about how we— you're telling a story. Who tells the better story, right? Who puts the facts on the best?
Yeah, that's, that's an interesting way to look at it.
All right, ask some of your questions because I have more.
Well, no, I mean, I have some related to homeownership and things like that, but I was going to say, you and I have a friend that didn't change their last name after a divorce specifically so that they could make medical decisions for their child.
So they should still be able to make medical decisions for—
I know that they should be able to.
If they just provide the final decree or if they weren't married and they have a child with someone else and they have a final order in a suit affecting a parent-child relationship, that order will state that they have those rights.
But for, I mean, like for this particular instance, she just found it easier to not change her name because the hospital stopped asking questions.
Yeah. And I think, I mean, something being easier though is different than it being—
But sometimes easy is easier than legal. A lot of times it is, actually.
I would rather easy than pay you, probably.
I don't know. You're right.
No, I think this is an interesting one. Be like, what would you do to, to manage that situation on behalf of your client?
To manage them not being able to make decisions?
Right. Like, so this, this specific situation, I don't want to use any names, But you have a father and a mother that had a child that has some serious medical issues, and the mother gets remarried, but doesn't want to change her last name because she wants her last name to match the name of her child because she's the responsible one that makes good decisions for their child.
And doesn't want that to be hindered in any way. So, I mean, if you're like, well, no, no, go ahead and change your last name, How would you manage that for them or help them in that situation?
So, I mean, I would still say go ahead and change your last name. And then you just need to provide a copy of your final decree of divorce to your child's doctors, hospitals, that type of thing. And in that case, I would probably also say a copy of your marriage certificate with the new spouse, because your name has changed then from whatever your prior last name was to the married name.
You see how messy this is? I mean, I'm just getting confused and I'm—
But that's why I get up every morning.
Every morning is different.
And I will say that I appreciate that there are people like you out there because I know that while you do have the best interest of your your client in mind. I get that. But there's also this desire to make sure that things are taken care of because I, I, this, there's a lot. Yeah, it's a lot, especially whenever things like kids get involved. You know, that's where, that's where things wind up being so emotional and so difficult to deal with, you know?
So, and, and what's, what I've found to be true also is that there, there typically is someone in the relationship, mom or dad, that the kids are more emotionally tied to for whatever reason. They're around, mom's around more, dad's around more.
Yeah, it could be Disneyland or it could just be that they're more attentive in general. I don't know, that's not it. Yeah. And then, but then there's also the truth of like, like, you know what, the most important thing to you is the kids, so I'm gonna go after them. I don't really care if they want to live with you, it's fine. But I know it's the board game thing, right? I know that that's what you want, so I'm just gonna buck you on it. And it's like, it's, it, it gets wonky.
And I mean, people will do that, and people will do that out of spite. People will do that to just make the other person have to pay a lot in attorney's fees. Um, you know, one of the things that I think is the saddest is when people come into my office and tell me— um, you know, a question I generally ask in one of my consultations with people is, is the other parent— are they a good parent, right? Not do you like them, not are they a jerk, or, you know, whatever, right?
Is this person a good parent? Yes or no? And most of the time they'll say yes.
But there's always a but, right?
Yeah. It's, well, this person cheated on me, and so I don't think they're a good influence. Or it's typically because something has happened to that person, right? And so they've been hurt by them. And it's hard for them to get past that.
They transfer that onto their kids.
Yeah. And they forget that, again, you're going to be stuck with this person forever. This person is still your kid's mom, still your kid's dad.
Like, that doesn't change.
Yeah. You're gonna have to spend, you know—
No, no, I mean, it doesn't change.
Christmases and Thanksgivings together.
You're gonna have to negotiate that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This, this is the thing that I think a lot of people don't realize when decide to get divorced is, and I can't tell you the number of times I've seen this happen, is they get divorced and then their former spouse gets remarried and then they are just aghast at the kind of person.
That they now have to allow their child to be around.
And I've seen it where they had a marriage based on faith and then they divorced and then the person decided to go a different direction and bring another person into that relationship that had the similar values that they've now adapted to their lifestyle. And the person that they were formerly married to is like, oh my gosh, I didn't realize that you were going to be bringing somebody else that's going to reinforce these horrible beliefs that I vehemently oppose.
Studying, it's a horrible thing. Don't ever do your homework. I'm just kidding.
No, it's like, but like, it's like, what did you think was going to happen?
Well, and that's so planning ahead is part of what I have to advise people on, right? Is it's not just about today and how things are today, but how will things be in 5 years and 10 years? You know, A lot of times people will get remarried or they'll start dating someone new and they could change. Maybe now they are more involved in the child's life or they're not, right? Or they try to be more controlling or not. And people have to realize that what's best or what they feel is best for them now may not be what they're going to want in 5 years, 10 years.
And that's Our orders are supposed to be in place for when you're not getting along, right? For that 5 years down the road, the 10 years down the road.
Not necessarily just right now. Because in Texas, in our orders, one of the lines in a possession order, it's one of the first lines that you have, is that you can do whatever you want by agreement.
Right. And so that's something I always tell people. If you guys are getting along, great, do whatever you want. But you need an enforceable order so that when you do get remarried, or he or she gets remarried, and now you're not getting along because they're completely different, right?
Yes. Yes. Um, hey, don't talk about me like that.
Um, you're still married. It's fine.
Then Um, you know, that's what you're preparing for, is for that day.
Can you put stuff into the order that says if the person gets remarried?
You started that sentence with if. Yeah, well, like, if, if the person gets remarried, if, if it's an if, it's no. I mean, when the person gets remarried, uh, I want to have the opportunity to change custody.
I mean, you have that opportunity because a marriage would be a material and substantial change. Okay.
So then you modify, right? But you don't want to have to go to court every time something changes, right? Just because someone moves or—
I mean, you do, but they don't. Yeah.
Okay, so I have some home—
I have some home questions that I think are pretty FAQ kind of divorce home home kind of stuff. Does it make a difference in a divorce negotiation whether or not you left the home?
Right. So I think it matters. I've had cases where people have left the home because they didn't feel safe. And in the case that's coming to my mind, Um, the person was out of the house for several months, and on temporary orders, when we finally got our temporary orders hearing, we were able to get that person back in the house with the children. Um, just because you leave a home doesn't mean you lose your rights to that home. It's still community property. So in, in Montgomery County, in Texas, in Texas, yeah, if you're, if you're moving out of the house, it doesn't mean you no longer have an interest in that property. Now, it could change for purposes of creditors. It could change the type of interest you have.
But it doesn't change the property itself and that it is community if you purchased it during the marriage, right?
But it could change whether you're going to get back into the house, right? If you've moved out and you've found an apartment or a house, right? You don't need to go back to that. You've got a new place set up, right?
Um, so that could change it, but people come in a lot saying, oh, well, I've been told that if I leave, I've abandoned the house.
Okay, so, so not a, not, not a thing here in Texas.
Yes, but if you're going to, you know, be an attorney, right? Yeah, if you're going to leave the house, I would recommend talking to an attorney.
Absolutely. Okay, so different, similar scenario. You leave the house, but— and I think you brought this up earlier— sometimes people move to new areas and they don't have any connections. Say you're here in Montgomery County, you're living in a home, you don't feel safe, but your family's in Louisiana. Should you go to Louisiana?
Um, has a case been filed?
So I mean, like, make up a scenario. That's what she's saying.
No No case has been filed. I'm running home to mama.
Um, so you have that right as a parent to go wherever you want. You can take your children anywhere you want.
Well, okay, so let's, let's, let's get kids out of the equation. I'm, I'm in Montgomery County. I have a house here with my husband. I don't feel safe. Um, and I'm not saying who doesn't feel safe, but somebody doesn't feel safe. And they're right.
Spouse 1 leaves and they go to Louisiana.
They don't lose their interest for community property purposes by leaving and going to Louisiana.
Just like, you know, some people do this separation thing and say, oh well, you know, we separated 10 years ago. Well, did you get divorced? No.
Well, everything that you've earned You know, the IRS is coming.
Well, no, for the last 10 years.
That it's the spouse is coming.
I mean, because they're gonna take half of that.
Um, and so especially if they can show that they've been paying the property taxes and they, and they've been paying the mortgage and it doesn't matter.
It really, if it was community property, it doesn't matter for purposes of dividing that asset.
Again, especially if you're the one been paying.
So if you're thinking about a separation, again, talk to an attorney. But it can change your interest as creditors come into play, but not for property purposes.
Interesting. Yeah, because I think there are definitely situations where, I don't know necessarily why they would do this, but I think it happens where a mom and a dad, Let's say they've got 3 kids. 2 of them are in college.
Why would people have 3 kids?
Just kidding. You'll see.
Because they're awesome. Yeah.
I'm going to just put that on you. Okay.
So let's say that they got 3 kids. 2 of them are in college. There's one who's a senior still in the house. Mom and dad can't live with each other anymore. And so dad moves out. out. Mom stays in the house, but they're staying married for the senior year.
Oh yeah, that happens all the time.
Happens all the time. In the third bedroom.
Right, exactly. Well, there's that too, but it happens all the time. And they're still legally married. People can leave and have— I mean, there are lots of people that have multiple homes, right?
Bill Burr's dad apparently.
So, I mean, I know that thing, that type of thing happens.
Cloning facilities, apparently.
Yeah, exactly. But I guess the point that I'm hearing you say is talk to someone. Figure out what you need to do.
And I say that though for any situation. I mean, I'm a girl, so I get my hair done. I'm not blonde.
I am. So I don't do my own hair because it would probably turn out some wonky color that—
Or fall out or something, right?
Um, is that what happened?
I feel like orange would be better.
It's a bad Nair project, but whatever. It just didn't go well.
You're trying to go blonde? Nair. You remember Nair?
Why did I come up with Nair of all things?
I remember it. I'm still using it.
I'm still haunted by it. Yeah, sorry, you're not blonde.
Yes, I'm not blonde. I go to a hairdresser, right? Because she knows what she's doing, right? You go to people that specialize in things, right? Um, do it for attorneys. Do it if you've got a family law matter. Do it if you've got a business you're trying to set up. You go to a business law attorney. You know, if you've got tax issues, go to a tax attorney or a CPA. Don't skimp on hiring an attorney. And I say that like, my husband, I love him to death, Beth. But, you know, he's one of those people that it's like, why are we getting this ketchup? It's ketchup. I'm like, yeah, but I like, I like Da Hunt's, or I like, you know, I like whichever one.
Everybody's got a brand, right? Um, McDonald's. I like McDonald's ketchup.
You just explained yourself as a person in one sentence.
Spicy ketchup from Whataburger. Yes. Okay.
He's got a lot of catching up to do, don't you?
I see what you did there. Anyway, keep going.
Pay for an attorney, right? I mean, you know, you think about criminal attorneys and O.J. Simpson trial, right? His attorneys were phenomenal.
And obviously, if the glove don't quit, you must acquit.
So, I mean, people so many times they think, oh well, this is a big expense. And it, it is, don't get me wrong. I wouldn't want to— I wouldn't want to pay.
Divorce is a big expense.
It is a huge expense. But if you think about it, you're dividing all of your assets. You're dividing your kids, right? You're gonna pay— you know, some people pay thousands of dollars for a purse or for a gun, right? But you won't pay that for an attorney, right? Right. It's, it's priorities. And this is the rest of your life, potentially financially, depending on where you— how old you are, right? Where, where you are in life. Don't skimp on your attorney. Yeah, I, I tell my husband all the time, you know, if we got divorced, there are certain people he's not supposed to hire because, you know, I want to screw him, not vice versa. Yeah, of course.
Don't skip on your attorney. We can't. You can't be saved.
Well, I said no, actually. No. So like, but I think this does bring me up to another question. And that is like, I have like, here's the thing. I want out of marriage. I'm done with this. I don't have a clue who to talk to.
I'm clipping that by the way. Yeah, right.
Someone's, someone's gonna be like, someone's gonna be like, oh, use my person. They were great. Or use my person. That's how a lot of times—
Oh, or, or my person got me X, Y, and Z.
There's gotta be some metrics somehow to figure out how do I know which attorney?
Because you just always call Malia.
but okay. Well, answer me this. Why would I call you over someone else?
Well, I mean, literally, sell yourself to me because I think that—
I think we're getting a little risqué.
No, no, we already did. But, uh, it's more New Orleans.
I think that's the, uh, that's the question though, is like, literally, I have no clue why I should choose one attorney over the other because surely they're— first of all, we all know that attorneys are not made equal. We all know that.
And so But how do I know?
Yeah, so there are several things you can do. Um, the Texas Bar website, you can go to texasbar.com, I believe is what it is. Um, and you can look up an attorney. You can see, have they been sanctioned? Um, you know, do they have any issues, right? Um, you can also, um, don't Google people. Right. I mean, because as an attorney, we can't combat anything someone says.
Right. I mean, the Google reviews are the Google reviews. Yeah.
And again, people, and for family law especially, are going through a really, really hard time.
And I can tell you that some of my clients listen to me, some of my clients don't.
And but no matter what the outcome, I can't say anything about it.
And so Google reviews are not what you should be basing your opinion off of. I would recommend, um, you know, if you get referrals from friends or other people, great. Schedule multiple consultations, even if they're not free. Um, I have a lot of consultations and a lot of mine are free, um, but not all attorneys have free consultations. Um, Or they'll have free consultations for a certain amount of time, right? Um, meet with different attorneys because you want to figure out who fits best with you, right? Some people get along great, others don't. Some people are going to have similar views to you and others won't. Um, you know, one of the things that I pride myself on doing is being
very straightforward with people. Um, I don't see any reason why I should try and make things seem better than they're gonna be.
You're not their friend. Yeah, not there to candy coat.
No, but I mean, I am there to help them.
You're their advocate. There's a difference in being an advocate and being a friend.
Yeah, those are two different things. Don't call me on Friday night.
We should not be getting drinks. But, um, but yeah, I mean, some attorneys are going to tell you exactly what you want to hear.
And that's why setting up multiple consultations can be really helpful because then you can ask the same question. I, I tell, I tell people that come into me, if you meet with other attorneys, ask them these same questions, right? Um, see how they respond. I've had people that have come into me that have had 2 or 3 prior consultations and they're like, well, I've been told this, this, and this, which is true.
Yeah, like, well, technically all of them are, depending on the situation. Here is why. Yeah, right. And so that's why you've got to figure out who fits best with you. Um, and, and again, don't just skimp. Don't just hire someone because they're the cheapest or because they give you the lowest retainer, because a retainer is not how much it's gonna cost.
That's just how much you're putting in a pot, um, and how much you're gonna replenish.
It just means you're putting more money back in quicker.
Yeah. No, that makes sense. Well, and that's helpful because I think that this is the case with a lot of situations. I've never been in this situation before. I don't know what to do. And so, and especially because you're angry and you're hurt and you're disgusted or whatever it is that got you to the place where you're at. Um, you're emotional.
And, and it doesn't matter what that emotion is, it's going to alter your judgment. And so I think that it's valuable to, to have some sort of metric by— to go, look, yeah, you know, don't just, don't just take your friend's advice because it— look, that might have been good for them, but your situation— no situation's the same.
It's not. And, and so many people say hire this person because Bless you.
We think he's sneezing, not sure. Go ahead.
I'm gonna blow the windows out if I let it loose.
No, so many people come into my office telling me, oh, well, you know, such and such, my friend got this, right? My friend got, you know, they had 2 homes and my friend got both homes. I'm like, well, great, that had to be by agreement, right?
You know, there are special circumstances to where that happened.
Um, just because someone else got something doesn't mean that's what the law says you're going to get.
Right. And so a lot of times people can get something that could be a great deal for them through mediation.
Right. Or, you know, because with kid issues, you know, you were talking about earlier— I don't remember what it was, but something you said made me think of kids. There's always one parent that, um, you know, is all about the kids, but there's usually a parent that is more motivated by money, right? Um, and so, you know, sometimes you can use that to offset. Maybe you get more of the community estate than the other parent, but the other parent gets more time with the kids. Yeah, right.
So I, I have— I mean, because we're, we're coming up at like, we're actually over an hour and a half, which is great. I mean, like, it's been an awesome conversation. I have 2 questions. Hopefully they're, they're easy. Um, but I kind of want to, well, it's just, it's 2 subjects I want to make sure we hit before we, we wrap things up. Um, one, if you are an individual that's entering into a marriage and you have a high net value, yes. What's the best way that you can shield that in, in case of a divorce later on down the road? Is it, is it through incorporations? Is it LLCs? Is it?
I mean, like, what businesses are still going to be split in a divorce? Um, even if they were formed before you got married? No.
No, no. But that doesn't mean that the full business is going to be, right? There are all these different claims and stuff to get at portions of money spent or money put into the business or things that have been earned, right? There's lots of different caveats.
Um, if you're getting along with your spouse, do a postnup if you're in Texas.
What's a postnup? I've never heard of that.
That's a postnuptial agreement. It's like a prenup but after you're married.
Um, yeah, obviously you got to be getting along with your spouse to do it, right? Um, but so that's a way that you could protect assets. Um, now, you know, don't just give it to someone and expect them to sign it 30 minutes later. Sure.
But that can be a good way to protect assets. Um, otherwise, good luck. Yeah.
I think that's fair. No, no, really. I mean, like, I, I think, I think that's, I think that's reasonable information for people to understand is like, like you could have built an incredible business, but like at the same time, like you're in a—
Think about it this way. Someone is, My husband says this and it makes me feel really good about myself. He's always like, the only reason we are where we are at is because we're a team, right? He always says, I wouldn't be where I'm at without you and vice versa. And it's true because we both lean on each other. We both need help from each other, you know? And so it's the same way, right? For if you've built up some massive enterprise or not, right?
No, our business is definitely that way. I mean, I would not be where I'm at in my business where not for my wife. Yeah. And vice versa.
And so I think that, um, that's something that gets overlooked a lot. But at the same time, right, if you're the— if you're getting divorced, you don't care, right? Yeah, no, no, you're that person.
There is I in, in, you know, divorce. Um, so I think I liked it.
It was a good joke. Um, it's not a joke. It's actually literal. Have you ever spelled divorce?
Um, no, but so you've got to try and do a postnup if you can. If you can't, don't try and hide funds. I can't tell you how many people are like, oh well, could I transfer it? Could I do this or that?
Yeah, don't start committing fraud or trying to hide things, right? No, no, no, no. Just do—
I mean, do a lot of people— do a lot of people do that? They try and— no, no, no, that never happens. None of your clients, obviously. All right, second question that I, I, I feel the need to, to cover. Common law is—
Yeah, I love it. It's an easy question.
Are the rules different? Well, ah, we're gonna get the book out.
It's not a small book. Is that volume 1 or 2?
This is just the handbook. This is the summary. This is the summary, right? This isn't it. Yeah, it is definitely different. And so, okay, I'm from— like I said, I'm from Oklahoma. My uncle was a family law judge in Oklahoma. My brother practices family law in Oklahoma. I was planning on practicing family law in Oklahoma, right?
Um, the law is very, very different. Um, the—
I mean, for real, real quick, for people that don't know what I'm even talking about, what is common law?
So common law is, in its most basic form, anything purchased, owned, acquired during marriage is owned equally between the spouses. So 50/50. You buy a house during marriage, it's owned 50/50. Um, you sell a house during marriage which was acquired during the marriage, you get 50/50, right? You each own half of that.
That's different than what I was thinking you were talking about when you said common law.
I, I— it may be, but like, let her, let her go. Yeah, I'll circle, I'll circle back around. Okay, if it's different.
Speaking— if I can back up.
One thing, talking about homes, um, if you're going to sell a house, a lot of people that are going through divorce or are considering getting a divorce will come in and say, oh, well, my spouse wants to go ahead and sell the house before we get divorced. Don't do it.
Um, and I say that because if— because it's common law, right? Everything you own is 50/50. And again, I'm breaking this down to most basic principles, so obviously this doesn't apply to everyone, right? Um, my little lawyer Right, right. Um, so if you sell a house, let's say you get $100 grand in equity from your home and you split it. Wife takes $50, husband takes $50. Um, and then—
You're still talking about before they get divorced?
Before they get divorced. Let's say wife blows her $50 grand, husband still has his $50 grand, and now they're getting divorced. The house was their only asset, so this $50 grand is their only asset. Now the court is dividing that $50 grand in 2. So wife's getting $25 and husband's getting $25. So you just lost out on $25 grand because you split it. Whereas if it— if you're going through a divorce and you do it right, you could get an agreement put in place, um, to where the funds are held in trust until you guys reach an agreement, right? Um, there's lots of different things that can be done, but again, talk to an attorney. But don't do it it
beforehand because once in Texas, one spouse can't sell the property without the other spouse's agreement.
Um, so you can get divorced with just one person. You can't sell a house with just one person, right? If you own it during a marriage.
And that— okay, so that, that is very helpful information. What I was actually talking about was common— no, that's fine— was common law marriage. So like where people have cohabitating.
Oh yeah, I don't even know what I'm thinking.
Sorry. No, no, no, you're fine. No, no, no.
Um, that's what I was thinking you were talking about, but you know, but never, never officially got married.
And I, I don't know what the, what the rule is in Texas anymore about, about that.
7 years, maybe? That's what I got in my head.
Is it? That's what I have in my head.
Okay. It may be wrong. So do you know?
Um, I can tell you in just a sec. It's just, it's like, it's like—
No, but so common law actually recently became harder to prove. Um, common law marriage, if I can't remember the exact number of years, I can tell you in a second. But, um, if you have ceased living together, I believe it's for 2 years.
Um, then the common law marriage presumption goes away.
And for common law marriage, you have to have actually held yourself out as married. both people to other people.
Oh, like, like said it out loud?
Yeah. Okay, you're going to events and saying, introducing, you know, this is my wife, this is my husband.
Um, and you have to have intended to be married. So if you are engaged, you weren't ever common-law married.
Okay. Um, no matter how long you've been living together?
Yeah, because if you got engaged, then there was a presumption of something after that.
Yeah, you're— there's not a presumption that you've intended to be married. You are intending to become married.
There's a difference. Yeah. Okay.
Um, you know, there are— so there are lots of different factors that go into it, um, and lots of different things we look at. We look at, um, have you been filing taxes together as married? Have you been listing each other on insurance as married? Um, you know, do you have joint accounts? There's tons of things we look at. I had a case recently, um, that was common law marriage, and a lot of times, um, with them, right, you're going to almost— it's, it's separating your case so that you can have the court hear whether a marriage exists.
And then you have them— if the marriage exists, then you go on to dividing the assets. assets. Um, and for the common law marriage, I mean, anything you have on it, right? If you've got, um, Christmas cards, Valentine's Day cards, um, you know, birth announcements, marriage announcements, anything like that, right?
You want to even be like something as simple as like a social media post?
I have the best wife and it's a picture of her.
I mean, that would be great, but you're gonna need more than just that.
Okay. Yeah, so that's not gonna be like the nail in the coffin.
No, it's going to take a lot more than that because you could have just been drunk and posted that because that didn't happen.
Who doesn't post on social media drunk?
But yeah, I definitely— so I know a guy that been married to his wife now for a little over a year, I think. But when I met him, he'd been living with this gal for multiple years. And we were hanging out one day and I was like, so you're not married married, right? And he's like, no. I was like, how long have you been living together? And it was like, I don't know, 7 or 8 years at that point. And I go, so do you consider yourself just common law married? He goes, oh, absolutely. And so I asked him, I was like, why don't you just get married?
See, that's odd because he originally said, see, see, since he originally said they weren't married, to me that says he doesn't hold them out as being married, you know?
Yeah, it is interesting because, I mean, he definitely— he did it. I think it's the way I asked the question.
I think he thought he was trapped, probably.
No, I think he thought he was— he was like, well, I didn't stand in front of an altar and, you know, with with a preacher or a justice of the peace or whoever and say I dos in front of her. And he knows me and what I do. And so he definitely is looking at me going, okay, that's not—
I think he felt probably trapped a little bit.
No, I think there are definitely people that bucket as I'm rebelling against a religious institution.
You know, but like, don't, don't realize that they're existing underneath a legal institution.
Which, which are 2 different things. Yeah.
But he would, he, they were filing taxes together. They had bought a house together. Like, like they were, I mean, for all intents and purposes, they considered themselves married. They just never, you know, gotten a marriage certificate and done the whole thing, you know?
And so with common law marriage though, I think a lot of people fall under the misconception that just because you've been together for a long time, now you're common law married. And that's not the case. You do have to hold yourself out as married.
Does it make a difference if there's kids?
Hey, you don't have to be married to have kids. I don't know if you knew that.
Well, I mean, we have Elon with 11.
Yeah, you can reach out to me for that one too. I'm just saying. his kids' names? I can't remember.
11. Doesn't he have like—
It is a number or symbol or something.
Another thing though, for common law marriage is you have to actually both be living in Texas together.
So it makes sense. Let's say one of you moves to Mississippi, right? Or Arkansas, right? You move to Arkansas and you're living there.
And your, your, um, common law wife is living in Texas. and it's been 3 years of you guys living apart, I don't know that the common law marriage is still there.
I think the presumption goes away now. I mean, then you've got to make arguments as to why you believe you're still married.
Yeah. So, okay, like that scenario is interesting to me because like, what if you're in Texas and you felt like you existed underneath a common law marriage, would you file for divorce?
Okay. So like if I file Okay.
Because you want their stuff. Sure.
So if I'm, if I'm in Texas and my estranged common-law spouse is in Arkansas and I file for divorce in Texas—
How long were you living together in Texas?
Okay. And how long has, has estranged spouse been in?
SOL in what sense? Because of the time period Like, I don't, I don't, I can't, I can't demand anything from them or like—
Because of the time period. I mean, you could still file it, right? Um, but you've got to overcome the presumption that there is no common law marriage at that point. So it's kind of like this back and forth who has to prove what, right? And that's the presumption that I'm talking about.
And, um, and I know that there's all sorts of nuance involved with this because I mean, I can come up with all sorts of weird scenarios.
Um, but for purposes of if some— like, let's say you've— she's living outside of Texas for 6 months, right? That's completely different.
She'd have to because of the shame of leaving me.
Someone's a little cocky.
Oh my goodness. No, so I'm normally not. You two, calm down. Calm down.
Okay. No, let's get back to my hussy wife in Arkansas.
Yes. Does she get half my stuff or not?
Sorry, do you want to talk?
Make sure— just put it on repeat. You should put it in like a Valentine's Day card, maybe to go with the tree.
Carve it into the bark, of course, for my loving hussey wife in Arkansas.
I think that's great. I think she'll really love it.
Yeah. So I wasn't a part of coming up with this.
No, no, no, no, no, no. Of course, you had nothing to do with it.
No, but so with common law marriage, it's all about the facts. It's all about what what's going on, and so I think if if you think you're married or you think you're in that position, again, talk to someone. Because like I said, common law marriage has within the last few years become harder to establish, I believe. But it's not impossible. I mean, I've got cases right now, right, where we're dealing with common law marriage. And so if someone moves out of the state, it doesn't mean you're no longer married. Now, if they're living outside of the date for 3 years, 2 years, right? Then it could be you may not be married anymore. It just depends, right? You break up with someone
and you're not with them for years, right? It's the same thing.
Is kind of how you're looking at it.
So did you find out? Did you figure out how many years?
Okay. It doesn't matter. It really doesn't matter.
But, you know, I mean, because we should all be just, you know, trying to exist underneath the wise words of Bill and Which ones? Be excellent to one another.
Yeah. I just think if we would just do that.
Let's just be excellent, period. Period.
Sure. And it does really— that goes back to what you said early on was like, just be respectful to each other.
I mean, the problem— and again, there's a lot of people listening to this right now, and I understand that. And I know that statistics are what they are.
I was about to say something.
But the truth is, if you would just be less selfish and care about the other person and love them the way they need to be loved— See, we shouldn't encourage that. No, we shouldn't. And the thing is, I realize there is so many circumstances that that doesn't fit, especially when there's abuse or when there's significant changes that are happening. I understand there's a lot of things I didn't agree to that, whatever. But I also look at it and go, um, you know, it's funny to me. It was really funny to me whenever you're like, look, you know, one person can get, you know, make the divorce. Yeah, you get divorced. But the— but a house, it takes 2 people. And I'm like, didn't 2 people make a vow? Like, do
does a covenant not matter anymore? Because—
See, but that's where you're getting emotional. Right.
No, I'm not getting emotional at all.
But to me, that's the contract. It still takes— it's a house contract. It's a marriage contract.
But those can all be broken by one person.
But not a house contract. You just said—
It can be broken but not sold.
Okay, so there's a difference in selling and broken.
I mean, I could throw lots of things at the walls and So here's the thing with love, and I heard you talking about this earlier, Kevin, you were talking about love as an emotion. I actually, I don't think of love as an emotion. I think of love as a decision.
And because so many times people think about things in opposites, because if I say, what's the opposite of love? Most people are gonna say what?
Oh, hate. That's what they would say.
Hate, right? Which I don't think of. I don't think of hate as the opposite of love. The opposite of love to me is apathy. apathy.
Um, not loving, right? Literally. Like, I know that's— I know it's like using the word in its definition, but it's kind of like true, right?
But it's a different— it's a different thing altogether, right? It's, it's, it's not caring at all, you know. Love— hate is, is a, a vehement, like, distaste for something, whereas apathy is just like, I don't care.
And that, that, that to me is the opposite of love because you've stopped Having an interest. Yeah, you've stopped having an interest. You've stopped making the decision to care about this person. Whereas apathy, you've made the decision to not care about this person. And that's why I think it becomes even more ugly to a certain degree, because hate, you can almost understand. Apathy is way more hurtful.
Yeah. It's like you're not worth the time.
Yeah. Hate, you actually have to put some energy into.
Yeah, that takes a little bit of work. It does happen quite often. though. I have plenty of clients.
Yeah, no, I'm sure. I think you can also carry 2 stones in your pocket. You can hate and be apathetic towards somebody at the same time.
So yeah, that's why I think— but I don't want to let anybody off the hook is what I'm trying to say, is everybody makes a decision.
Oh, yeah. I mean, that's everything in life, right? Is we're all choosing which path we're going down.
It's a series of choices.
Yeah. Do you want to— it's like when I was a kid, they had the books and it was like, oh yeah, you choose to do this, whatever.
Choose your own adventure books.
And I think I always died. It's like the Oregon Trail, right?
I think you have to. I think there's no— that none of those books end right, right? Yeah. Or maybe that's just my demented brain.
You just got apathetic and quit reading.
Exactly. Too many bad decisions, right?
I think though that, I mean, I would agree with you, but not from a legal perspective.
And I think that's the biggest thing is— Those are 2 very different things for sure. And I can, I understand that.
And I think it's funny because I tell clients a lot, I would make a horrible client, right? I tell people, I can tell you all day long, here's what you should do, here's what you shouldn't, but kind of like we said at the very beginning, you know, you don't go into a marriage planning to get divorced, right? You don't go into a relationship planning to have a kid, right? You're not preparing, spending your whole life preparing for the worst-case scenarios. And if you are, you're probably, you know, having a miserable life. Miserable to be around. Yeah. Um, and so I do things all the time I probably shouldn't, right? And I'm like, that's— don't say anything, you know? But Um, that doesn't mean that— I think that just
humanizes us. And that's something that I try to be upfront with my clients about, is, yeah, what you're doing, you know, might not have been the best decision, but I can't say I wouldn't have done the same thing, right?
Yeah. And that doesn't— I think that's something that people have to remember as well, though, is just because you've done something or you're getting divorced, that type of thing, it doesn't make you a bad person, right? It just, that's what all of the different choices or paths you've gone down, that's where you're at now. And I think you just have to figure out how can you be happy at this point? What do you need? What does your family need to be the best you can be to—
For your family to be the best. Yeah. When you said, at least in our county, that most people should expect that a divorce takes about 12 months, No, that's like max. I understand. Yeah. But even if it took 6, right? I mean, let's cut it in half.
I would imagine most people have been thinking about it for 12 to 24 months.
You know what I mean? And so when you finally arrive at the, okay, this is what I need to do, now you're looking at another 6 to 12 months in front of you.
And that's when the real fighting usually starts, right? Because you dropped that hammer and we're splitting. And so, I mean, a divorce, like I said, could be as short as 60 days. On average, I would say probably 3 to 6 months, but it could be a year, sometimes longer. And that's, again, I mean, divorce is hard and it can get dirty. And how much do you want to fight?
Have you ever partnered with a therapist? Um, not for you.
No, I mean, like, no, I'm wondering if, like, if it's, if it's in your client's best interest sometimes to have somebody help them with, like, their mental health.
So pretty much anyone going through a family law matter, whether it's a modification or setting up an original, um, order for child divorce, I always recommend people or their kids and/or their kids talk to someone, right? My job isn't to help you emotionally.
It's to help you legally. And like we mentioned earlier, right, it's not always the same thing. Just because I'm telling you to do something doesn't mean it's easy to do. It doesn't mean it's what you want to do.
But I sometimes I just need you to realize it's what you need to do. for your financial stability or whatever it may be. And talking to a therapist, I don't ever partner with any therapist in particular, but I do tell people, seek out someone, speak with someone. Just like meeting with different attorneys, do the same thing with therapists. Find one that fits for you.
Yeah, because you're not going to be that person.
I mean, I will be at my hourly rate, but I'm not going to be helping you therapeutically.
I mean, but I mean, I think that's something that people need to be aware of is it's a really difficult thing to go through. And if you think that you can handle it all on your own, and again, not to diminish what you do, but that you think that just your attorney's going to be your saving grace.
Your mental health person going through this, because I mean, that's part of it.
Well, and I can't do my job if you're not helping me. I mean, if my clients—
If they're not thinking clearly, if they're not getting me documents, if they're not responding to things, I can only work with what you give me. And so if you don't give me anything, I can go to court and I can be like, objection, this shouldn't come in for this reason. But you're tying my hands. So having the therapy, having someone to help you is very important, not just for your mental stability, but for your case as well. You've got to keep yourself together good enough to get me what I need to be able to protect you.
No, I just say you always got to look on the bright side of life.
It's a totally different Monty Python movie.
Let's not lead people into inappropriate full-frontal nudity, okay?
And if you do, don't post it on social media.
It's a pretty good rule of thumb.
Well, one last question, and it's probably the most important question of the entire show. So prepare yourself. If people—
If people do want to talk to you, how do they get ahold of you?
Ah, um, so my firm is Walkie Wilson Law Firm. Um, we're in The Woodlands and you can call our office at 281-942-4052. Um, or you can, uh, find us online, www.walkie-wilsonlaw.com. Um, Google us. You can, you can find us online. You can reach out to us. We have got an info@walkie-wilsonlaw.com, um, and we'd be happy to set up a consultation and, and speak with you if you've got questions.
Awesome. Well, thank you so much. It's been really informative, and we could have been talking about this for longer, and we've been going for 2 hours. So, uh, thank you for your time. Yeah, you got, you got more stuff to say page by page. Well, listen, uh, thank you everyone who's stuck with us. And, you know, if you need any help, please give her a call. And thank you for already liking and subscribing. If you haven't, go ahead and do that, all of our channels. We appreciate you very much. Till next time, we'll see you later.
